i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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