Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Enjoy the penises
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
