Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize