We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
