I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
