I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
