There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
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