my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
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