she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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