I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
