Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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