Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize