o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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