My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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