it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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