I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
