is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
