I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
