You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
