Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
