you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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