Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
