I don't think brook has ever known best
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
