3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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