I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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