Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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