Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize