There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
