She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
