Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize