Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
