i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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