I just threw up on my dentist
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
