And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
