Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
