God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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