u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
