This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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