we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
