I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
