I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I touched a dick in church today
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
