When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
