Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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