Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
