I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
