and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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