Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
