I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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