Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you would pick up someone in the library
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
