Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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