She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
