Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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