i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We're using joints as your birthday candles
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
