he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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