Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
