I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize