My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
