My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
