ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
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