remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
