Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
