Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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