Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
