good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
