Jerry, you need to find god
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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