I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
