what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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