you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
