Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
