They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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