that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
and you fell through a lawn chair
I pour the whiskey from now on
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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