Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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