your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
