Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
