I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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